Another Sleepless Night

it's 6:20 am and i have not been able to sleep all night. i hate this. i've been lynig in bed for hours trying to fall asleep and i finally got to the point where i felt like screaming so i got up and gave up on sleeping. usually, i'd just stay up if i'm not sleepy or can fall asleep. but i have a double to work in a few hours so i've been trying to get some rest.

i hate this.

i was feeling so frustrated that i just wanted to talk to somebody about it -- i just needed a shoulder to cry on -- but everyone's asleep and it not right for me to wake someone up just to whine, and in the process deprive them of sleep.

these hours in the middle of the night when i can't sleep are the loneliest part on my life. even when i have lived with someone, and she's lying asleep next to me, i can't wake her just to keep me company. i'm always alone at during these hours, and i hate it.

and the other thing that sucks is that no one understands -- especially at work. if i'm late a few minutes because i've overslept, or if i have to call in "sick" because i haven't slept in two days, everyone just thinks i'm slacking off, or that i'm lazy. they don't understand that i'd sacrifice a lot of things to have a normal life, but it just ain't in the cards.

instead of 32 hours of sleep in the last four nights, i've gotten a total of about 13 hours. and in a couple of hours, i've got to get ready for work and then start a 14 hour shift on my feet.

ever fantasize about what you would ask for if you had three wishes and you could wish for anything? well, if i had just ONE wish... this would be it. "I wish I could have a normal sleep schedule, where I would get sleepy at night and then sleep for 8 hours and then get up in the morning, feeling refreshed." it sounds like a simple wish, but i'd want that more than a million dollars, and i'd want that more than the perfect woman.

i just want to sleep.