The Signs Of A Woman

For years, I've kept a basket in my living room, and if you've ever left anything behind at my place, chances are you can find it in what has been affectionately named "The Ho's Lost-and-Found." If you know me well, you know that most of my friends are women. But even if you don't know me well, it shouldn't be a surprise to know that it's women, more so than men, that tend to forget and leave things behind. In The Ho's Lost-and-Found you'll find everything, including phone chargers, hair clips and ties, lipsticks and lip balms, sunglasses, wallets, watches and jewlery, and various articles of clothing. The articles of clothing are everything you can think of including skirts, shoes and gloves.


When I find something that has been left behind I always put it into the lost-and-found -- but, usually not for a day or two. Instead, I like to leave it right where it is for awhile.

If, in the morning, I find a pair of your earrings on the coffee table, I'm likely to leave it there for the rest of the day -- right next to the lipstick stained Champagne flute that you were sipping from the night before.

I love the sight of it as a reminder of our time together.


It might be your Gucci watch that you left on the bathroom counter, or it might be the fancy hair clip you put on the table behind my couch when you pulled your hair down. Seeing it the next day helps to evoke a stronger emotional memory, and for a few seconds, winds the clock back a few hours.

But sometimes, the things that I find in my apartment are from times that I'm not even around. These little tableaus are my most favorite!


I love seeing the signs of a woman -- the signs that let me know that she was there. But maybe even more so, I love the way it makes me wonder about what she might have been doing while she was alone. I think women are wonderful and mysterious creatures and for some reason I find even their most mundane to be fascinating.

Many years ago, I lived with my (now ex) girlfriend, Lisa. There were times that we had opposite work schedules, and as a restaurant manager, it wasn't uncommon for me to come home at 1am and Lisa would already be in bed, asleep. But in the couple of hours I needed to unwind before bed, I'd find all kinds of clues of Lisa's evening without me. I remember once that I found her red Dansko clogs (she was a pastry cook and red was her favorite color) in the middle of the hallway. That's odd, I thought. She didn't take them off at the door, or maybe in the bathroom while she was undressing... she took them off right in the middle of the hallway? And then I realized that I was standing in front of the heater in the hallway. She must have kicked them off seconds after she came home and, as she often did on cold nights, warmed herself in front of the heater. Thanks to her red clogs, I could see it even though I hadn't been there.

That was about seven years ago.

Most recently, my friend, Hadley, came to live with me for the month of March while she attended the Wine Immersion program at the CIA Greystone campus. More than a decade earlier, Hadley’s oldest sister, Bijou, was my classmate in culinary school at the CIA in Hyde Park, New York – so that’s how I know Hadley. She comes from a family of foodies and wine lovers (and her family owns a winery in Idaho), so it’s no surprise that we got along famously.

But before Hadley arrived, I have to admit that I was a little worried. I hadn’t lived with anyone in such a long time… my gut was that this was either going to work out great, or it was going to be a disaster.

Thankfully, it wasn’t a disaster.

Hadley ended up being exactly what I needed in my life at the moment to break the monotony of my routine. She’s active and upbeat. She got me brushing up on my wine knowledge with her afterschool questions. Her smile never failed to brighten my day, and it was nice to hear the sound of a woman singing while she studied. And while it might seem odd to some (but not so odd if you know me), I really loved doing the housekeeping for someone else. I also loved having to take someone else into consideration on a day-to-day basis… Like I said, it had been a long time.

But I digress…

Living with Hadley was great, and I liked seeing evidence of her around the apartment: Greek yogurt in the fridge, her Macbook on the dining table, her Specialized bike chained to the post next to my parking space. But my favorite reminders that she was living with me were the personal things that were symbolic, not just of her presence, but of her femininity: her shoes in the living room, her hair ties or the corkscrew shaped bobby pins, her rings on the bathroom counter.

Again, sometimes it’s about finding things and picturing the moment they were set there.

One day I came home to find Hadley’s earrings on the kitchen counter, right in front of the basket where we kept different loaves of bread. It was about 5:30pm and she wasn’t home. I knew that she got off school about 4pm, usually got home about 4:30pm, and then would often go to a yoga class or ride her bike to the Oxbow market to sit and study over coffee or a snack. But sometime between getting home and leaving for wherever she had gone, she had taken her earrings off and put them on the kitchen counter.

Maybe she had taken them off in another part of the house, gotten distracted doing something else, and set them down as she walked through the kitchen? Or maybe she was nibbling on a piece of bread from Tartine Bakery, when her mobile rang, and she took the earrings off because of the way they rub when she’s on the phone? It didn’t really matter – I just loved the sign Hadley had left behind that she had been there.

Another time, I woke up on the weekend in the early afternoon. Hadley had gone off to Point Reyes to ride with some friends. I found a rinsed off plate and coffee mug in the sink, one of the dining chairs pulled out, and this months’s Elle magazine sitting askew on the table. I imagined Hadley sitting there with the morning sun at her back, nibbling on toast and flipping the pages of the fashion magazine. The thought of it made me smile.


Hadley left on April the 5th, back to her life at the family winery in Idaho. The month had flown by, and she had taken her final wine exam. I was sad to see her go. But even as we said our goodbyes in the parking lot, I anticipated (and was even comforted by the idea) that she had probably left something behind.

When I went upstairs, I started looking around. Would it be her shampoo and razor in the shower? Nope. Would it be a hair tie on the nightstand? Nope. Maybe one of her rings in the pocket of the bathrobe I had lent her? Nope.

Hadley was an experienced traveler, and as such, I realized, she was too conscientious to leave anything behind. Indeed, there wasn’t even any cleaning up left for me to do -- she had even laundered her sheets and taken out the trash from her wastebasket. She hadn’t left anything behind, and there was hardly a trace that she’d been there at all.

I was kinda sad the rest of the day, and I missed the sound of Hadley’s voice, her smell, her stuff in the bathroom. I missed her presence.

And then, at about 10pm that night, I went to the bathroom to brush my teeth. And as I brushed away, I looked down, and in the sink I saw two long strands of ginger colored hair. My heart warmed, and I was careful as I spit and rinsed. I didn’t splash her hair with water, I didn’t wash it down the sink. I left it just as was it was for a day or two.